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HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a
little; To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
understand her at all.
UNDERSTANDING
There are 2 times when a man understands a woman - before the marriage and
after the marriage.
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each
other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. But if Mike, Charlie, Bob and John
go out for a pint, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat
Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in
$20, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything
smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the
girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2
item that she doesn't want.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a
bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items
in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to
identify most of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after
that is the beginning of a new argument.
CATS
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking,
men kick cats.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never
worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A
successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man
marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the
garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress
up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow
deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about
dentist appointments and romances, best friends and favorite foods and
secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short
people living in the house.
MATH
Smart man + smart woman = Romance
Smart man + dumb woman = Pregnancy
Dumb man + smart woman = Affair
Dumb man + dumb woman = Marriage:1
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