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Management Review of Writing Style
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QUESTION: How many feet do mice have?
Original reply:Mice have four feet.
Management
comment: Elaborate!
Revision 1: Mice have five appendages, and four of them are feet.
Comment: No discussion of fifth appendage!
Revision 2: Mice have five appendages; four of them are feet and one
is a tail.
Comment: What? Feet with no legs?
Revision 3: Mice have four legs, four feet and one tail per unit-mouse.
Comment: Confusing -- is that a total of 9 appendages?
Revision 4: Mice have four leg-foot assemblies and one tail assembly
per body.
Comment: Does not fully discuss the issue!
Revision 5: Each mouse comes equipped with four legs and a tail. Each
leg is equipped with a foot at the end opposite the body; the tail is not
equipped with a foot.
Comment: Descriptive? Yes. Forceful? NO!
Revision 6: Allotment appendages for mice will be: Four leg-foot
assemblies, one tail. Deviation from this policy is not permitted as it
would constitute misapportionment of scarce appendage assets.
Comment: Too authoritative; stifles creativity!
Revision 7: Mice have four feet; each foot is attached to a small leg
joined integrally with the overall mouse structural sub-system. Also
attached to the mouse sub-system is a thin tail, non-functional and
ornamental in nature.
Comment: Too verbose/scientific. Answer the question!
FINAL REVISION
APPROVED BY
MANAGEMENT: Mice have four feet.
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