netjeff.com Humor collection Lessons learned from children

This is from a San Diego father who has identified 35 truths he learned
from his children:

 1. There is no such thing as childproofing your house.
 2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with 
    roller blades they can ignite.
 3. A 4-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded 
    restaurant.
 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not 
    strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy 
    underwear and a Superman cape.
 5. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of 
    a 20 x20 ft. room.
 6. Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
 7. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up 
    several times before you get a hit.
 8. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
 9. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
10. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball 
    hit by a ceiling fan.
11. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh-oh" it is already 
    too late.
12. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke-lots of it.
13. A 6-year-old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
    60-year-old man says it can only be done in the movies.
14. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
15. If you use a waterbed as a home plate while wearing baseball 
    shoes, it does not leak. It explodes.
16. A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000-sq.-ft. 
    house almost 4 inches deep.
17. Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year-old.
18. Duplos will not.
19. Play-Doh and microwave ovens should never be used in the same 
    sentence.
20. Super Glue is forever.
21. MacGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.
22. So can Tarzan.
23. No matter how much Jell-O you put in the pool, you still can't 
    walk on water.
24. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
25. VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches, even though TV commercials show 
    they do.
26. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
27. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
28. You probably don't want to know what that odor is.
29. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
30. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
31. The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5-minute response 
    time.
32. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms 
    dizzy.
33. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
34. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
35. A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life
    (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect)

netjeff.com Humor collection Lessons learned from children