netjeff.com Humor collection Answers to why the chicken crossed the road

 
Plato:
  For the greater good.
 
Karl Marx:
  It was a historical inevitability.
 
Machiavelli:
  So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has
  the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for
  whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian
  virtue?  In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.
 
Hippocrates:
  Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
 
Jacques Derrida:
  Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of
  the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid
  as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is
  DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!
 
Thomas de Torquemada:
  Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
 
Timothy Leary:
  Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
 
Douglas Adams:
  Forty-two.
 
Nietzsche:
  Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across
  you.  

Oliver North:
 National Security was at stake.
 
B.F. Skinner:
  Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from
  birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to
  cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free
  will.
 
Carl Jung:
  The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that
  individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and
  therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.  

Jean-Paul Sartre:
  In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it
  necessary to cross the road.
 
Ludwig Wittgenstein:
  The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and
  "road," and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization
  of this potential occurrence.
 
Albert Einstein:
  Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken
  depends upon your frame of reference.
 
Buddha:
  If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
 
Howard Cosell:
  It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace
  the annals of history.  An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the
  temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to
  homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.
 
Salvador Dali:
  The Fish.
 
Darwin:
  It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
 
Emily Dickinson:
  Because it could not stop for death.
 
Epicurus:
  For fun.
 
Ralph Waldo Emerson:
  It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
 
Johann Friedrich von Goethe:
  The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
 
Ernest Hemingway:
  To die. In the rain.
 
Werner Heisenberg:
  We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was
  moving very fast.
 
David Hume:
  Out of custom and habit.
 
Saddam Hussein:
  This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in
  dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
 
Jack Nicholson:
  'Cause it (censored) wanted to.  That's the (censored) reason.
 
Pyrrho the Skeptic:
  What road?
 
Ronald Reagan:
  I forget.
 
John Sununu:
  The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite
  understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.
 
The Sphinx:
  You tell me.
 
Henry David Thoreau:
  To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
 
Mark Twain:
  The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Jerry Falwell:
  Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't  you people see the
  plain truth in front of your face?  The chicken was going to the "other
  side."

Dr. Seuss:
  Did the chicken cross the road?
  Did he cross it with a toad?
  Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
  but why it crossed, I've not been told!

Martin Luther King, Jr.:
  I envision a world where all chickens will be free to  cross roads
  without having their motives called into question.

Grandpa:
  In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told
  us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Aristotle:
  It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

Karl Marx:
  It was a historical inevitability.

Captain James T. Kirk:
  To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.  

Fox Mulder:
  You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have
  to cross before you believe it?

Freud:
  The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road
  reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Bill Gates:
  I have just released eChicken 98, which will explore your documents,and
  balance your checkbook-- and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of
  eChicken.

Bill Clinton:
  I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken?
  Could you define chicken please?

Louis Farrakhan:
  The road, you will see, represents the black man.  The chicken crossed
  the "black man" in order to trample  him and keep him down.

The Bible:
  And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou
  shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was
  much rejoicing.

Colonel Sanders:
  I missed one?

netjeff.com Humor collection Answers to why the chicken crossed the road